153. How to Quiet Your Mind and Create an Epic Life with Matthew Ferry

with Matthew ferry, the author of quiet mind, epic

life, escaped the status quo and experienced enlightened

prosperity now, Matthew, Welcome to Beyond adversity. I am

excited to be here. I hope we can make a difference for our

listeners today. Well, I know that you can and your

conversations already indicated, you've got some great content on

Matthew ferry COMM And your books are all going to be

helpful. It's all about quieting your mind. But I think in your

life, maybe you've had times when your mind wasn't so quiet.

So tell us for the buts about some things you had to face in

your life in order to come to the place of sharing some of the

good things with our audience.

I think it all It all began for me at around nine

years old, and I was having some pretty intense experiences,

where I felt like I was leaving my body. And in doing so there

was this peace and this joy in unity and oneness that was so

incredible and overwhelming. And I didn't know what it was. But

each time it stopped happening, it was it was so incredibly

disheartening. And I spent most of my childhood, my youth and

and into my 20s really searching for that feeling again, and and

like most people, I tried drugs that didn't work, I had sex and

that didn't work. And then I tried to be, like, adored and

loved I was trying to be a rock star when I was a kid. And that

didn't work either. Then I then I got into the business world

and really got on the success train and thought, this success.

This is really the ticket. But I was extremely successful very

early on in my 20s. You know, I was doing very well financially

and professionally and yet my mind was still filled with anger

and resentment and self doubt. And why isn't the world

listening to me and doing what I wanted to do? And you know, just

all kinds of negative thoughts. And there's always been this

poll this draw to figure out how do I get how do I rise above all

of these negative thoughts in my mind, and, and ultimately it has

people through the process, I actually have come up with a

systematic way of doing it now.

Well, that's awesome. We part of what we want

to learn today is a little bit about your systematic way of

doing that. And part of your system, I take it from your

looking through your website and getting to know you a little bit

is you got to break some patterns, you've got to move out

of what you're doing and to break some patterns are taking

some action and helps a little bit a part of your process. What

are some action taking moments or bolt actions that we can

take, to start to break out of that place where I had to come

to a better place a quiet mind,

I think there's some of the most important

things you can do. It will be one to embrace negativity, as

the road to positivity. And most of us coming from more new age

or popular, you know, positive thinking movement we were we

fear negative thoughts, when in fact your negative thoughts are

just your survival system, you're there your biology doing

its job. And if you resist it, it does it more. And if you make

it wrong, it does it more. And so what I found is that going

into a state of total and complete acceptance of our

negative thoughts and recognizing it as our biology

really, really helps. And that's very bold, most people

especially if they're listening to your podcast, or reading,

reading my books or things like that, you know, they're going to

be indoctrinated towards, we got to be positive and being

negative is bad. And actually being negative is phenomenal.

It's it's been the single most important thing that that has

led to the survivability of human beings. But in the end, we

have to honor appreciate and accept our negative thinking.

And then I think one adding in one more bold action would be to

accept the worst case scenario of our thinking because our mind

is for I call my mind the drunk monkey. And the drunk monkey is

phenomenal at pretending that it's psychic and that it can

predict the future. So really addressing the negative futures

that the drunk monkey is is projecting, going all the way

down to those really terrible outcomes, and then saying,

alright, if this happens, what's my plan? And if you'll create a

plan to deal with the worst boom, all of a sudden, the mind

stops catastrophizing and you begin to experience so much more

peace.

You know that having that plan seems like Be a

vital part of it when you make about the drunk monkey, I saw

that in your website reminded me of Seth Godin said, teaching

about the lizard mind. But the bad how we can take things just

go off on a tangent and go into these dark, deep, dark places.

If we use that in a different sort of way, if we get stuck

there, that's one thing. But if we can use that, and motivate us

to a better place, that's it, that's taking bold action. And

you gotta have a plan to do that. And that's what your book

helps us to do. It turns out the process that you use, you use a

lot of techniques and things like that, to help us to quiet

our mind. What role if any, does connecting somehow beyond

ourselves to some sort of a higher purpose or a greater good

or something beyond ourselves spiritual, meditative, anything

like that? How do what parts is a play in your process?

I think it's incredibly important at as you

become more connected to your spiritual self, whether that be

through some sort of religious process or faith based process,

or maybe it's just your own inner investigation, you're

reaching for a new context, a context that that ultimately

says that all is well all is perfect. Enlightenment itself, I

define it as the recognition that the source of life for you

is the source of life for everyone and everything that

we're all one thing essentially expressing itself with infinite

variety. And if you are a little more science minded, then you

would just look at Science, Science has very likely

discovered the presence of quote, unquote, God, there's a

background field of energy and information that all things are

an expression of there are at this moment, I think about 36

particles that we've discovered, that are self assembling into

every single thing in the entire universe, that there is an

omnipresent background field of energy and information that out

of that, there is a self assembling into all things that

we are that you are that I experienced, you experienced

that everything is. And as you step all the way back, and get

connected to that unifying idea that we're all basically the

same thing. expressing itself. There's a, there's a piece, the

adversity that you're experiencing in that moment

actually starts to take a different shape. And you begin

to say, Oh, the adversity is also this one thing expressing

itself. And, and my resistance to it is this one thing, I think

that you connecting to a, a broader context. And really,

that's spirituality is about broadening out the context,

becoming more aware of what's happening in your life and in

your world. As you do that, adversity becomes much more

graceful and effortless.

And part of the process, and here is how do we

you know, make those connections between that which you speak of

there. And that dark place that some of us go to? And what do

you think are some of the ways I don't know if some I think all

of us go to those dark places? Yes. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

You know, we all go to those dark places, but some of us stay

stuck there. And some of us find a way out. And I believe that

connect to that higher power is one of the ways to do that. And,

and what do you think, are some of the methodologies, what are

some of the process that people can do to start to make that

connection between that, that higher plane and bridging to get

to those dark places,

I think they're, you know, I talked about it in

my book. And then I also have a free app for people to download,

which is just my name, Matthew ferry, and in that I have 23

daily practices that they can take on, you know, either 23

days in a row or, you know, in whatever, whatever feels good to

you. But that some of those practices, for example, are, are

to admit that you're not the ruler of the universe, that you

don't know how life should be. And that, in fact, your opinion,

is the source of your suffering. That if you step back and

acknowledge, oh, wow, I have this opinion, because I'm trying

to survive. In a non survival situation. I'm trying to be

right, and be important, so that I can get preferred treatment.

And none of that is actually valid or necessary. If you can

begin to recognize that your mind is not your friend. Your

mind doesn't care about you. Nobody else calls you fat and

stupid. If they did, they wouldn't be your friend. Right?

You let your mind treat you badly on a regular basis and you

relate to your mind like it is is a source of true information.

And all science points to that, that the mind cannot be relied

upon for anything true or factual whatsoever. So starting

to starting to relate to the mind in a different way, will

help to get us connected to this idea that we are this process

of, of human emerging. And we're trying to have an incredible

experience in the process. And we have all this old, outdated

information that comes in with us, that makes us think that we

should try to survive in these non survival situations. And so

I know I'm rambling just a little bit, but I'm trying to

clumping a whole bunch of things together. Well,

that's what I'm looking for really, is processes

and relationships that are important, because, you know,

the nature of your book says the quiet mind. And if you quiet

your mind that can lead us to a place of enlightened prosperity,

you say, but I want us to get to that connection, the process

there. And I believe one of those process part of their

processes, as I call it, the fuel of getting through

adversity, is relationships, and how relationships can help us to

start to bridge those gaps and to, you know, help us to find

our way. So tell us what about the power, our purpose of

loving, but also accountable relationships, and helping us to

process these because let's have our own accord, as you say, we

can go to all kinds of places remind could take us all kinds

of places,

I would say that generally the people in our life

are going to cause our mind to talk. And it's it's imperative,

if you have a commitment to being at peace, it's imperative

to assess the not only your own behavior, but the behavior of

the people in your life, and then your relationship to their

behavior. Because people can behave however they want. But if

you have an opinion about it, if you're declaring their way as

wrong, and my way is right, it'll cause you to create

conflict and strife, it'll cause you to have inner turmoil. And

and your mind will talk, finding those relationships where there

is a a mutual agreement to hold each other accountable, to

operate in an effective cohesive, loving, flexible

fashion. finding those relationships is so important

and will make such a big difference in my world, I

assemble those people and I specifically have designed my

business around giving people an opportunity to come together

with other like minded folks, people who are really committed

to being at peace, and also really committed to living an

amazing life. And that that's a, that's an interesting

combination of things. But I think relationships are are

fundamentally going to either disrupt you disturb you, which

will get your mind talking and create anxieties and whatnot, or

they will empower you. Typically they will, they're going to

empower you through confrontation, and

accountability to things that are really, really valuable in a

truly loving relationship. And if they're done well

and done lovingly, it makes all the difference in

the world. And also it could help us to confront or relate to

or perhaps to disengage from toxic relationships, or

relationships that take us to those bad places. And

fascinating stuff that

I'd like to say this little idea about that

though, is that typically we don't like in other people what

is unresolved in us and and we're never really ever dealing

with the other person. So while people absolutely behave in ways

that are degrading, that's indisputable. We get degraded by

our opinion about it, more than we are degraded by their

behavior. And so doing the inner work to assess your your own

relationship to being a victim, to holding grudges to being a

angry, hateful person, like doing your own inner work to

resolve those things actually broadens the possibility of the

people that you can't hang out with because you're you're no

longer resisting in them. What is actually in you. It's pretty

and doing your own inner work is where we take

personal responsibility for our mind and for our behavior and

for quieting the mind and being purposeful in that and you've

got lots of tools and lots of helpful things on your site in

your book, quiet mind. Let's talk just a little bit more

Matthew about some of these habits, disciplines, processes,

you mentioned your your app with the 23 lessons, tell us more

about what we can find on your website and your resources that

you have to offer that can help us gain some discipline. And

then maybe take it a step further, tell us about a person

or situation that is used what you have your teachings in busy,

been helpful to them.

Example of, of someone who had been in a pretty

adverse situation, he he and his wife were were separating. And

he got a piece of third party information that she was, had

been potentially cheating on him during that, during during their

marriage. And as they were going through their divorce process,

he was very committed to being at peace, being fair, being

logical, being reasonable, but this piece of information came

in and it triggered him into hostility. And instead, he

practiced total and complete acceptance of his acts, and

whoever this potential, you know, offender was, and he he

really stood, stood back and said, Okay, if I put myself in

her shoes, and I just try to understand it from her

perspective, then it helps me to realize that all she was trying

to do was to feel good, she was just trying to be happy. And it

was so clear that she was not happy in our relationship we're

getting, that's why we're getting divorced. And as he took

on that, that position of understanding, appreciation,

compassion, curiosity, instead of arrogance, righteousness,

attack, anger, as he addressed the situation using enlightened

perspectives, it enabled him to communicate with her in a

fashion that allowed them to steer their divorce process in a

way that ended well and and didn't end in hostility and

destruction.

And how rare is that to have a separation that

happens without hostility and destruction and airy? And that's

something that we can use here. So what are folks going to find

when they come to your website into your books? What are they

going to find that's going to be helpful to them that they can

apply to their life,

I think they're going to find tools that will

help their mind to go quiet so that they aren't stressed. And,

and feeling worry and doubt. And, and suddenly, they're going

to be opened up to the idea of being creative. And, and having

their resourcefulness and their empowerment and, and enthusiasm

naturally just emote out of them. And those tools that I

have is I have a great blog for people to dive in. And I you

know, I sort of share everything, I also have a

podcast that they can check out, which is the daily enlightenment

with Matthew ferry. And then I have a book quiet mind epic

life. And if they go to Amazon, they can buy my book or download

my book. But I also in my free app on on all the app stores, I

also give away the first six chapters of my book is my gift,

and take people through 23 processes that they can

implement now to get their minds to go quiet so they can start

living an epic life.

Lots of great tools here. And we certainly do live

in a time when lots of epic distractions and pressures are

in our world right now. And many people are finding themselves

kind of in a bad place or stuck and they need tools and

resources. And we thank you for what you provide here. And

you're and the result, hopefully, is what you call

enlightened prosperity. And I love that terminology. And also,

I love the fact you talk about breaking out the status quo

because so many of us find ourselves just stuck in that

status quo. So great resources we can find that Matthew

ferry.com Our guest today and we thank you very much is Matthew

ferry the author of quiet mind, epic life. Thanks for being our

guest today on beyond adversity with Dr. Brad Miller.