Brad Miller 0:00
pathway to promise podcast with Dr. Brad Miller, Episode Number 98. Understand, to be understood,

Unknown Speaker 0:11
Hi, this is Doug for me and I’m the author of

Unknown Speaker 0:13
personal power mastery,

Unknown Speaker 0:14
which really is geared to helping you unlock your brilliance and your greatest potential within yourself. I want to actually share something that you need to know about. Dr. Brad Miller has an amazing podcast called pathway to promise. And if you can get yourself on there, it’s going to help you live your life to higher levels and to reach the things that you want to achieve in life and also accomplish a greater unlocking your, your divine potential for I’m gonna encourage you to head on over and visit Dr. Brad Miller with happy to promise

Brad Miller 0:44
you’ll be glad you did. You were on the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller. Brad believes every person has a god given promised life of peace, prosperity and purpose and that you must have a plan and a guide to get there. The pathway to promise podcast. Not only is your guide through the wilderness of depression and disappointment that stand between you and your promise life, but also brings you insights and direction from inspiring successful thought leaders who have transformed their lives. Welcome to the pathway to promise now here’s Brad. Hello, good people Welcome to pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller. Just thank you, I just want to thank you so much. I know that you’ve got a lot of things going on in your life. And you’ve taken a few moments to listen to what I have to share. So I just want to thank you for that right now. I believe that I have some good things to impart to your life I have confidence in my teaching abilities. And I also hear the pathway to promise bringing great teachers and leaders and authors to speak into your life to help you overcome adversity. To seek out your God given promise life of peace, prosperity and purpose. You can head over to our to our website pathway promised calm, we got some helpful things for you there. Check that out and pick up our free gift that we have for you there today seek first to understand, in order to be understood. This has to do with being a good listener. I mentioned that phrase seek first to understand others in order for you to be understood. That comes directly from some of the writing and the work of Stephen Covey and his seven habits of effective people. And it has to do with being a good listener. If you want people pay attention to you, then pay attention to them. Read this word, heard about this story. I read this little story recently. I want to share it with you about Mark Twain and about this the idea of listening. Find out what makes them tick and tell someone the time on their clock. That was one man’s solution for getting along with people. That is find out what makes them tick. Learn to understand, then tough time on their clock that is identify with them and speak their language. story that’s attributed to Mark Twain. It’s about a Missouri farmer who ran five times for the state legislature without winning. It wasn’t because he didn’t practice his speeches. He rehearsed his campaign talks every day. It’s said that he did it while he was making his counts. He would refer to himself to to the public as your humble aspirant, he referred to his audiences, my enlightened constituents. He talked about obtaining a mandate and about his legislative mission. All this eloquent language. They one day apparently his cabinet he was milk and got tired of his speeches as well and kicked him right in the mouse knocked out his teeth. And with that, the farm This this whole farmer who was running for office could no longer speak as well as he wants did certainly not as eloquently as he wants did. He basically could only speak in one syllable words. You know what happened. He won the next election. And he kept getting reelected. And he was no one over time as a very effective plain spoken legislature. However, Mark Twain felt about public of his day. This is the type of story that tells us about being a good listener and under understanding people, in order to be understood, as he says here to tell time on the clock by learning how people tick so that they, you know, highly eloquent and educated politician may not relate to his or her constituency because they’re pressing are many hard working plane folks who appreciate plane talk, straight talk, simple talk. And they may distrust even someone who kind of you know puts on airs or tries to be eloquent or feel like they might be somehow being manipulated or something like somebody trying to pull an overall them over on now.

People can relate to people who speak their language, whatever that is. And the Bible, the apostle Paul talked about, I need to be all things to all people to save some. That’s what I need you to do here friends, if you want to get over adversity in your life. Among the other things that you need to do is be a good listener and see how other people what, how they tick in order for you to be connected with them. Identify with the plight of others. This is a principle that’s not only for politicians and people in the public is for really for all of us. We have to learn what makes people tick If you have a relationship that’s going south going to bed way, have you really taken the time to listen to that person? If you’re having a fight with your spouse, listen to what they’re you’re saying if you’re in a really difficult go around with a child or a parent, or co worker, or somebody who’s in politics, Have you listened to what the other side has said? How do you know them? How do you know they’re different backgrounds? If you want to tell time with the clock, as the phrase goes, you need the alarm up, he helps make people tick. Here’s the thing friends, let people know that you understand them or at least that you’re listening, seek to listen to their language and then seek to speak their language. And you might be surprised how people will respond to you and listen to you here at the pathway to promise podcast we’re so Seeking the knowledge share with you but to be good listeners, if you want to share with us a good place to go is our Facebook page facebook.com slash pathway promise responses there and we’ll get we’ll get back to you. There’s also a comments section on our webpage pathway promise.com. That’s where you can find all the all the back episodes of the pathway, promise podcast, and some helpful tools for you there. My name is Dr. Brad Miller, here to be helpful to you and to listen. So until next time, friends, I just want to encourage you to keep your promises because there’s power, you know, promise kept. Thanks so much for taking the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller as a subscriber, you’ll be a vital part of the pathway to promise community visit us on the web at pathway promise.com until next time, remember to stay on your pathway to promise

Thanks so much for taking the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller as a subscriber, you’ll be a vital part of the pathway to promise community visit us on the web at pathway promise.com. Until next time, remember to stay on your pathway to promise

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Brad Miller 0:00
pathway to promise podcast with Dr. Brad Miller Episode Number 97. Defeating doubt and finding faith.

Unknown Speaker 0:12
This is doubt Tippett, author of seven daily choices where we’re training Christian leaders to create, build and sustain a thriving life with others. You’re listening to Dr. Brad Miller and the pathway to promise podcast where we’re learning how to overcome adversity to achieve your promise life of peace, prosperity and purpose.

Brad Miller 0:33
You’re on the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller. Brad believes every person has a god given promised life of peace, prosperity and purpose, and that you must have a plan and a guide to get there. The pathway to promise podcast Not only is your guide through the wilderness of depression and disappointment that stand between you and your promise life, but also brings you insights and direction from inspiring successful thought leaders who have transformed their lives. Welcome to the pathway to promise. Now here’s Brad. Hello again, good people and welcome to pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller. I am just thrilled that you are joining me today. As we talk about matters that matter. Today we’re talking about defeating doubt and finding faith. Here at the pathway to promise podcast we are all about helping you to overcome adversity in your life. The things that happened, the circumstantial things that happen in your life that can put us in the ditch if we let him and find a pathway to achieve what we like to call the promise life, the life of peace and prosperity and purpose. The peace is about our mental health, about our sense of peace of mind. The prosperity is have it enough to have a sense of fulfillment in our life that has to do with having a place to live having good relationships. It has to having enough money and everything else. And the purpose piece has to do with having a reason for doing all those things. Having a function to have and having a way to contribute to the greater good of the world. That can’t happen. Unless we have a way to defeat the doubters in our life. And to overcome them, overcome doubters, by finding face. We have lots of resources for you at our website, pathway promised calm, head over there and get a free gift. And also understanding that there’s a lot of great past episodes of the podcast from great teachers who can speak into your life. Now today, finding our faith feeding our faith, starving our doubts, putting down and getting rid or defeating doubters in your life. You have some visions that God has laid in your heart and your mind, whatever they are, what am I is to write a book which I’m working on right now, which you come out in the not too distant future. But what’s yours? But here’s the thing, whatever great vision you may have, you have to have two factors have to be involved here. You have to have faith that you can accomplish that goal. And also you have to understand there are forces. There are sometimes people when sometimes circumstances that are going to want to resist you. They’re going to put doubt seeds of doubt into your mind if you let them. They’re actually can be people who doubt you people want to drag you down. Let’s talk for a minute about people are circumstances that can drive you into doubt if you let them. These are the people or the situations that push doubt on you and you got to push back. A doubt Person person is someone who experiences the same thing that you experienced. Let’s say you have a co worker who’s kind of stuck in there, you know routine and Not necessarily happy, but same, but they admit that they feel stuck there, and you have a bigger vision while they’re experiencing the same thing in that workplace, but they’re seeing things differently. They are not necessarily seeing evidence of good fruits, maybe you’re producing some different things than they are. And they want to bring you down. See, a doubt pusher is going to turn a positive situation into a negative, or they’re going to try to take a negative situation at difficult circumstance and to make it worse. So also a negative pushing per person, one who is filled with doubt, is going to reject the faithfulness of others. If you’re that man or woman of faith, there’s going to be people in your life. They’re going to say that doesn’t mean anything. That’s meaningless. This is what we got to push back against. Also a person who’s a doubter, who’s it’s leaning towards doddery will exaggerate fear or will go for the insecurity and others and take that in tried to magnify that. And they often are people who have a poor self image.

A doubt pusher is also someone who may actually actively want to cause others to fail or help want others to cheer actually gets them to keep them from reaching their potential. You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Maybe you at one time and other had been one of those type of people and are turning things around. There are doubt pushers there are doubtful you know Doubting Thomas and the in the Bible is one who would not believe unless it was proved to them. Want to get in with you, my friend here today that you have to push against the doubt pushers in your life, even with their internal, even if it’s from resistance that comes from the great project, the great thing that you want to accomplish that God is leaving laid on your heart circumstances happen. That’s what we’d like to sometimes call the adverse conditions that that we face. Those are the adversities that can lead us to a pathway of doubt. But let’s just talk for a minute, just a few things about how you can push against that by having and building on our faith. Let’s just use the alliteration the word faith, okay. FAITH, here is some of the things that you can do and I would encourage you to do it, write these down if you care to, I think you’re going to be helpful to you think about faith in these terms to FI Faith is to be forward looking. Generally a doubter looks backwards to what has not happened, or what has, you know, the failures of the past doesn’t see the future. And I invite you to be forward, looking forward to what is possible, not what has already happened. So that’s the F, in the word faith is to be forward, oriented. The a and the word faith is for action. You will be surprised, my friend, if have the power of taking action, taking action will build momentum in a positive direction. And even if you have times in your life and your journey, where you go backwards or you get stuck a little bit, you don’t have to stay stuck. Action leads us to gain traction, so we can move forward. So I invite you to be an action oriented person. So one of the things I’ve used as my My daily vision casting I have for myself is to take action. The key verses scripture that I often use in my teaching by leading a second Timothy one seven, which says God did not give you a spirit of bolt did not give you a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self discipline. So if you’re not timid, that then you’re bold and that’s an action taking person. So I invite you to be action taking, you will be surprised how just a mere fact of motion of movement will help you feel better about yourself and move forward. I find that in exercising when I move and exercise at the moment, I might not like it may be a little bit cumbersome, but I certainly feel better about myself on my end, I’m more productive when I move, take action. So the F is for forward, the AS for action. The eye in the word faith is for inspiration or to be inspired So that’s where you draw on great teaching. That’s where you allow yourself to be filled with great music. Great things that you read. Allow yourself to be inspired by the success stories of other people. Allow your your emotions to be filled up by the good stuff, allow your intellect, your cognitive powers, to be fulfilled by the things which inspire you, to tell you that this can be done. A forward looking faith means we allow ourselves to be filled up by others and by the intentional acts that we take intentional inspiration is another way of looking at this. So there’s the

F on the word faith is for forward. The a and the word faith is for action. IN the word faith is for inspiration. And the T and the word faith is through others. This is where we work with inspiring people. And we have accountability people in our lives, I people who can be encouraging to us, that is surround yourself with people who can be encouraging, because those doubters are always going to be out there as well, aren’t they? So let’s also intentionally seek out others who can encourage us that might be some of those inspiring people we were just talking about through books and tapes and other things like that. But I also encourage you to connect up personally with other people. If we could be helpful here at a pathway to promise head over to our Facebook page facebook.com pathway promise, and we can make some connections there as well, as well as our website pathway promise.com but I invite you to have a personal connection with others. So the TS for through others FS for forward action. As for action is for inspiration, the T is for through others. And the HN. The word faith is higher power, higher power. I’m just a big believer, friends, that you can’t do this on your view of your own accord. You cannot succeed, have your own accord, you have to have a higher power. I call that God in my life. I’m a Christian, I’m a follower of Jesus Christ. And so I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit in my life. And that’s where I draw my sense of higher power. Whatever faith tradition you come from, draw on something greater than yourself, to help sustain you. Here’s the thing. Doubt pushers are going to try to drag you down, whether it’s actual person or something external. They will put your adversity or your circumstances that will they will use that to separate that from your dream. They will use that to separate you from God or your higher power. And faith is what invokes a higher power into our circumstances into our adversity. And that’s what then sustains us and gets us through the adverse conditions. a doubter will remove this higher power from present living a doubter was a, this is just, you know, just life just happens. They will say that God or higher power has nothing to do with it. Whereas the faithful person will release the higher power will release God to be a at an absolute part of daily living. So I encourage you to have a daily spiritual moment, have a daily time of journaling or prayer or meditation, whatever it would be in order to fulfill you and to sustain you. That’s what I think help you in your life. So that’s your formula for faith your friends, you have to push away and push against those who doubt. You have to then invoke face, forward action, forward thinking, action, be inspired through other people and invoke a higher power. That is where you can defeat, doubt, and find your faith to succeed in your life. Here at the pathway to promise we want to help you succeed in life. And to find your promise life of peace, prosperity and purpose. You can head over to our website pathway promise com, we got some helpful things for you there, cleaning back episodes of the podcast, and a free gift at pathway promise. com. We’re here to be helpful to you. Dr. Brad Miller, is my name. And if I could speak into your life, if we can be in connection, let’s do that. You can head over to also to our Facebook page facebook.com slash pathway Promise, and we can be engaged in some conversation there. Until next time, friends this is Dr. Brad Miller encouraging you to keep your promises because they’re our promise. Thanks so much for taking the pathway to promise but Dr. Brad Miller as a subscriber, you’ll be a vital part of the pathway to promise community visit us on the web at pathway promise.com. Until next time, remember to stay on your pathway to promise

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Brad Miller 0:01
pathway to a promise podcast with Dr. Brad Miller, Episode Number 96. The grey dance of love with author George Aramark.

Unknown Speaker 0:15
Hi, my name is Nicole Carlson. I am producer of flip the switch Facebook show, and I help high achievers overcome stress, anxiety and overwhelmed so they can level up in their business, with their health and in their relationships. And Dr. Brad Miller will help you find your promised life, peace, prosperity and purpose here on the pathway promise podcast.

Brad Miller 0:43
You’re on the pathway to a promise with Dr. Brad Miller. Brad leads every person has a god given promised life of peace, prosperity and purpose and that you must have a plan and a guide to get there. The pathway to promise podcast Not only is your guide through the woods bitterness of depression and disappointment that stand between you and your promise life, but also brings you insights and direction from inspiring successful thought leaders who have transformed their lives. Welcome to the pathway to promise. Now here’s Brad. Hello, good people. Welcome to the pathway to promise podcast with Dr. Brad Miller. It’s just a great honor to have you join me today, here on the pathway to promise where we talk about things that matter, including things that impact the most important relationships that you have in your life. And I’m talking right now about your romantic relationships, particularly when your romantic relationships go south. You know what I’m talking about? I’m talking about a breakup of a marriage or a divorce, or a breakup of a long standing relationship that is devastating. We’re going to talk with a great author today, George Ehrman who’s going to be bringing us some, some insights about marriage. And what and with his book called The grey dance of love. We’ll get into what he has to share in just a few minutes did want you to know, here on the pathway to promise podcast we’re all about helping you overcome adversity, including things like divorce and breakups by helping you understand a process in order to overcome adverse conditions and understand that you have a promise life a god given promised life of peace, prosperity and purpose, but you need some directions and how to get there and we are here to be helpful to you. In that process, I have a lifetime of, of be having some positive input on people in their relationships as a counselor and as a pastor, and deal with this and terms of process I like to call the 40 day way process which helps you move through adverse conditions in your life. And we have some helpful, helpful information at our website pathway promise.com Particularly some back episodes of our podcast, and some other helpful things for you there, including the free gift. So go there and pick that up. And we can be helpful to you pathway promise.com. Today, we’re talking about the ad verse condition of divorce, or a breakup of a romantic relationship. You know how devastating that can be. This actually is a very common experience, isn’t it? Very few of us have not gone through a very severe, dramatic, traumatic breakup, which has impacted every other aspect of our life, our mental health, our depression, our physical health. People gain weight, they lose weight, they have stress, they have other physical things that come up in their life because thats related to other relationships. It impacts other people like our family members or children, if they’re involved. It can be a factor in all kinds of things.

If you don’t deal with relationships, particularly the breakup of a romantic relationship, you’re gonna have a hard time function in this world. So we need to have some helpful things in that. Our author we guest today, George Aramark had a terrible breakup in his life, and he could not let it go. It kept lingering it kept impact in his life and he had to figure out a process a means to work through that breakup and then move on, to have other to help to learn for that experience and to invest himself into a new relationship. And he wrote this book called The gray dance of love. And it’s for folks to understand and to have an understanding about the enter the intermingling or they enter the the the integration of the mind and the heart when it comes to relationships. He did an awful lot of research. After he had this terrible breakup. He considers himself a relationship entrepreneur, and incessant researcher, and incurable romantic. And he has devoted himself to a 50 year vision to bring down the rate of divorce. That’s a noble vision if I’ve ever heard one, and to spread some needed love into this world, he wants to help that have to happen. And he has done the research and the process and he shares it here in his book, The gradients of love, and he shares it with you right now, my friends here on the pathway to promise podcast author George Aramark, of the great dance of life is our guest.

Unknown Speaker 5:47
Thank you for this beautiful message and warm welcome.

Brad Miller 5:51
Thank you, sir. It’s an honor. It’s honor to have you on the pathway to promise where course we’ve shared we’re all about helping people overcome adversity and one of the greatest adversities that people deal with is the challenge of relationships. And that’s indicated by the high rate of divorce and the high rate of the challenges that people have and the popularity to be honest with you books like yours and programs they have to do with dating and relationships. And, and just but I know that almost always, when someone writes a book like this or has something to share, it comes out of their own personal experience of dealing with something that’s been an adversity or challenge in your life. So, share with us a little bit the story of what happened to you that gave you the idea of the incentive to write this book.

Unknown Speaker 6:38
Yes, actually, three years ago, I was actually friends over my ex best friend. So I really wanted to find a solution. Of course, there was this one week of morning where I was acting the victim and trying to blame it on everyone and everything and why me and why this is this happening with them. I run to myself, I thought, George, you’ve been into the personal development world for quite some time. It’s time for you to step up and prove that actually, you can do it yourself. So this is what actually my journey started. And I read more than 200 books more than 1200 plus articles. I did an index in depth experiments, and I put them all inside this book.

Unknown Speaker 7:16
This is how it went.

Brad Miller 7:18
You not only had your own broken heart or the own situation happened to you, but you took some action. You got into the research big time. What was some I know you came up with your own conclusions, but what was some of the things you learned from all this research that you did?

Unknown Speaker 7:36
There’s a lot of things that I learned and I even add on top of it some stuff. So what I’ve learned basically is that it’s all about the great dance. It’s all about not being purely masculine or purely feminine. It’s about having a blend of both have we’re both masculine and feminine, whether we’re man or women, irrespective of our gender, and for relationship to survive, for us to be happy in relationships for us to find the right partner, it’s important for us to be balanced and whole and complete from within. So there are, of course, other other important parts such as having a fixed mindset versus having growth mindset. We today have a lot of issues in relationships, because we tend to have a fixed mindset when it comes to relationships.

Brad Miller 8:24
More with that, what do you mean by a fixed mindset, as opposed to the open mindset? Just break it down for me a little bit what you mean by that.

Unknown Speaker 8:32
So someone, for example, that has a fixed mindset tends to see for example, or marriage, for example, as a goal. So for example, we’re getting married and that’s it. That’s the end of of my independence. Instead of looking at it as it like, no, it’s actually a place for us to grow together. It’s a place for us to start a journey together. So it’s this whole dilemma where instead of having a fixed point of view and not being able to change Not wanting to change. This is actually the dichotomy between the two. So someone with a fixed mindset would be okay, for example, I love to do this. You don’t like it? That’s fine. That’s your problem do with it. This is how I are.

Brad Miller 9:13
Okay. Yeah. And what’s the opposite of that will be the counterpoint to that.

Unknown Speaker 9:18
Someone that has a growth mindset to be someone who would want to work on themselves and their relationship with their partner with the help of their partner being vulnerable, being open, wanting for example, okay. So for example, let’s say I’m jealous. So my partner made me made something or something happened that made me jealous. The fixed mindset person would react to that and they would say that, why do you Why are you doing this? Why is this happening? And start naming and oldest name and victim scenario, whereas someone that has a growth mindset, they would come from a place that Okay, now this scenario happened? How can we sit together and make sure that this actually doesn’t happen again, what are the steps that we can do? How can we help each other out to actually move beyond that? Kind of how, instead of having me versus you, it’s us together? How can we help each other and grow further together?

Brad Miller 10:17
I hear what you’re saying here. George, one of the things I do a fair share of my life is premarital counseling. I am a pastor. So I have married probably know probably 300 couples in my career. And I always do premarital counseling. And one of the things that we talk about is some people say that, you know, when you when you get together relationship, it’s 5050 when I was like to share this 100 100 you know, we all integrated completely and totally so it’s not totally equal, it’s integrated. And so that’s part of what we’re talking about here. And that’s, if I’m hearing you correctly, then the the fixed mindset would be kind of you know, we are just this independent, independent agents. It just happened to be together. Whereas if we are in a growth mindset, we’re, we’re in this together, we’re integrated together. That’s awesome. So tell me more about what are some It seems to me that you yourself. When you had this situation happened, you took the action of reading and studying and developing this process and and you’re involved with the self development world. What are some pragmatic actions that you’ve learned some bold steps, that other than what you did that people can take? When they have had a bad breakup or they’ve had a divorce or they’ve had something happen? And you you said, maybe you have this type of depression for a week or two, but let’s say you want to get out of that. What are some of the bold action so some of the action that people can take to break out of that depressed state?

Unknown Speaker 11:48
There are a couple of things that can be done. The first is to move into action. So by just sitting on the couch and blaming yourself or life or the world or or anyone else is not going to help We can, we should do that there’s, of course, a period of mourning. And this is important to allow our, our feelings to be felt. But once this, this time is done, it’s important to start moving on, depending on the different scenarios that are happening. And so by action, I mean, for example, one of the first things that helped me a lot. Personal Development was actually visualize a lot. So by visualizing, and there are different types of visualization. So you can visualize yourself already being with the partner that you want to be with. Or you can you can visualize the whole process, but it’s also important to feel the feelings behind it. It’s not just about having this picture. Prior to that, I would say what’s actually very important is to know what you want in a partner to know exactly what you want. Of course, I’m not meaning by I don’t need to say like, what’s the color of the hair or, like if they’re short or long or it’s not about that it’s more about okay. I’m someone who’s spiritual For example, I want to find my I want my partner to be spiritual. So this for me is an important value. I am someone who, for example, like sports. So I want my partner to be into sports, because it’s important to have common values, common habits, common goals. Once you do that you already have a strong base strong foundation. And once you have all the list the characteristic that you are looking for in your partner, here’s one thing that’s very important to take into consideration. It’s important to look at that list. And if you see that there’s one of the any of those that are actually missing in you. In order to attract your partner, you should actually fulfill this, this action or this value or this thing before looking for it in your partner, because you can only attract the partner who is at the same vibration that you are in. Okay.

Brad Miller 13:57
I’m sorry, go ahead. Well, I just hear you saying that You need to have some clarity about your own, about your own values, your own expectations of the other party. And that’s part of the action that you want to take even, you know, as part of the process of attracting other people, including my clarity about your own life. And that’s, that’s awesome. Heard you mentioned, I heard you mentioned there about spirituality being important to some folks. And that’s what what role do you think, if any, do you think some sort of a sense of, you know when we talk about people falling in love or being loved things like that we talk about this, this sensation that is kind of beyond our, you know, we talked about sparks fly magic, I knew that type of thing. But I wondered if there is any kind of spiritual element of a power beyond yourself that is involved here, or do you think it’s a factor at all? speak about that a little bit.

Unknown Speaker 14:57
It’s actually a very interesting question. So when I first wrote the book, it was around 800 pages. And I turned it down to around 300 pages. But there’s a big part of it, where that was based on spirituality that I actually removed. Because I felt that it was too soon for that and I’m actually going to be writing more spiritual, more spiritual book on love a bit later on. Okay. And hence, for example, in my book, there’s the spiritual chemistry, which I completely okay. To answer your question. Yes, definitely. Spirituality is very important. And so there’s a lot of talks about soulmates about finding the right person, and all this is important. So in order to find the right person for you at the same time, you need to be at the same vibration or the same level that they are in and you need to merit actually your soulmate. You need to marry the person you’re going to be with. Yes, and tomorrow. that you need to do the internal work within. Once you do the internal work within, once you’re complete and whole from inside, you don’t have this media energy, I need to be with someone I need to be with, with with with this person, when it comes from a place of unconditional love from place of Okay, I love myself, I love everyone else. I’m good, I’m happy, I’m centered. And I don’t need this person I want to be with someone. This is actually when it comes when it’s good. This is actually the type of relationship where you can attract your soulmate. your soulmate will only come when you come from a place of unconditional love from a place of growth mindset as you were mentioning before when you’re ready, and when you’re ready. This is totally cool calm and this is actually if we need to be spiritual in order to to have this this work because it does take a lot of work.

Brad Miller 16:51
Let me interject a term here that I think might be important for us to consider and that’s the word covenant and that in in many ways Religious descriptions of good healthy relationships, it’s described as a covenant relationship where, you know, as opposed to a contractual type relationship, where a contractual is kind of, you know, I do this for you, and you do this for me, or covenant is where we agreed to be in this relationship regardless, but as also covenant relationships, also often a, you know, a spiritual description of relationships as well. So do you think that the, as you said, looking for your soul mate, would you consider that a way of having a covenant title type relationship with

Unknown Speaker 17:37
someone else? I would say yes, again, it depends. So we’re very different people in lots of people around the world there are people that are more spiritual than others. Sure, in general, like people that are not very spiritual wouldn’t really want to be with their soulmate, because when you’re with your soulmate, they’re going to be challenging you and the whole point of it is For you and your soulmate to bring each other closer to you to higher powers who whoever you believe in. And it’s, it’s actually very, very important to talk about. Absolutely yes, covenant is important if we are spiritual beings, and if we really want to challenge ourselves and be much more spiritual and much higher and, and really try to attain a different kind of love, not just the physical type stuff, but more to transcend, actually and come from unconditional love rather than

Brad Miller 18:33
the deep abiding love that goes on a really deep level. Well, this is all a lot of we use the word love a lot in this whole process. You know, we talked about you know, finding the love of your life, your soul mate, and so on it love is all about emotion. And just tell me the part that emotion plays in this and how it can be channeled appropriately, how it can sometimes be, perhaps out of control or not always is hopeful the emotion of love? Or how maybe the love your history, your history of love what I mean by that, how you experience love with your parents or other folks, how that impacts a new loving relationship. I just like you to speak about this the emotion of love as it applies to finding your soulmate here.

Unknown Speaker 19:20
Sure. So the two or three topics that are interested, interesting from the question you asked, which is a very interesting question. Thank you for asking. It’s important to know that in general, we we as humans tend to replicate a relationship that we had with our parents. So what we do is we try to we tend to attract partners that are either imitate one of our model one of our parents in order to heal that relationship. So we come from the space wanting to hear because what you tend to do is actually model one of our parents. And so we want at the end to heal this relationship and move forward. So this is the first thing that I would say The second thing that I would say is

Unknown Speaker 20:06
what was I gonna say?

Brad Miller 20:11
So that’s okay we can come back to that if you want to but you know, we were just talking about love and how love is such an important emotion and how you how you use your your emulate your relation with your parents into this. But I would also like you to pick up on a little bit how this emotion of love is sometimes manipulated in some unhealthy ways, where it can be also being be used as a weapon. So on this type of thing, and emotions you get sometimes be out of control. And I just like you to speak to the power of emotion and a the emotion of love in building this looking for this soulmate. Okay.

Unknown Speaker 20:52
Thank you for that. Actually, it’s important, it’s important not to always follow our emotion. So I’m going to talk about two Different types of just to clarify the point, we have last which is all about the chemicals and all this physical attraction and we can play with our hormones actually I do talk about it in my consigned my book, how by by playing with different types of hormones like, like murdering your doctor me or oxytocin. Just I think around that we can actually create sparks we can create what people believe to be emotions, which are more like hormones thing, and have the real or more unconditional type of love, which is more like I care about you as a human being, not just whenever the sparks are flying or whenever I am in the mood for it or whenever the whim gets in the way it so it’s important to separate those two. We can control the sparks, we can control the hormones, we can control all this part of it. And at the same time we can also be in control of the unconditional love which is the more healthy one which is the Beautiful one.

Brad Miller 22:03
Good, good. Well, that’s part of what I’m getting at, because you mentioned several times in, in your book about creating the spark and developing these different descriptions of the characters, the archetypes that you have. And it seems to me a lot of these archetypes that you have, I like to get into it here just a second has to do with how we understand love, how we understand the power of love and these relationships and so moving forward, then we have to find some way to I would call it a discipline, you know, we are we have to discipline our relationships, you know, we have those times when we are emotional when we are, you know, passionate about our loved ones face, you know, new relationship starts. But you know, a lower love can also be that ongoing process of the everyday in the mundane as well. But I’d like you to speak now about these habits or these disciplines or these ways that we’ve Live this out when we are looking to have sustained relationship and I think that goes a little bit into these various archetypes that you have, I can talk about disciplines and your archetypes. Tell us more about how you have understood this relationship craziness that goes on with people. So, please.

Unknown Speaker 23:21
Sure. So, one thing that I would like to mention is that I used to be the Mr. Nice or the nice guy. Okay, actually what happened to meeting friends on by my best friend. So, when I didn’t learn from old doc is that by being too nice is not a good thing. I had to discipline myself to learn more about the other extreme. And being a bad boy is not what in general what women tend to like about bad boys is not what people perceive Bad Boys, but they do love is their own is there masculine energy is the high masculine energy. So this was actually lacking in So I had to come from a place of understanding was masculinity or femininity, and embrace embracing both sides, bring them both together, it took me a lot of time to actually build the habits for example of presence, to learn how to be present with a woman, be able to be vulnerable with a woman and to be able to hold space with him. So those three are very, very powerful tools that can actually help a lot to be developed. For people that actually really want to have habits that will help them find out because once you are able to be present with someone, once you are able to hold space for someone and be vulnerable with someone, and most importantly, when you are present and hold space and being vulnerable with yourself, then this is where you can actually attract your soulmate.

Brad Miller 24:50
Good. So in this process, it seems like these archetypes that you have, you have some extremes, you know, as you said a second ago You got the nice guy, the bad boy. And that’s kind of one extreme to another. But what you’re advocating if I’m understanding correctly is something in between, you know, if you want to say the, the good, the good guy is the light and the bad boys the dark, you talk about this gray area, this gray with the great dance of love between heart and mind, and some sort of a balance. Tell me how that works. How’s that going? How do we apply this? How do we? Are there things that we can do to help this? To learn the dance, if you will to learn the dance?

Unknown Speaker 25:41
Yes, thank you for this beautiful question. In order to learn to dance, we need first of all to know who we are. So we tend to be either mainly more feminine or more masculine in general, and in a certain dynamic or in the structure of relationship. It’s important for us to actually study or seek How we actually act in a relationship. And once we do notice that we can know who we are, whether we’re feminine or masculine. And once we do that we know what we are lacking by bringing to this by bringing both sides together. So by keeping For example, let’s say I was feminine, I kept the feminine part inside of me, but actually brought to it brought together the masking partner emerged in both together by developing have a mastering habits. This is how I was able to include it with other feminine habits and live not with one or the other, but include them both together and really move forward with that.

Brad Miller 26:38
Can you give us an example of maybe out of your own life for the people that you’ve worked with have masculine habits and feminine habits, that blitzes use the man first that a man would have? And then maybe we took to the other side as well, but what would be some examples of this?

Unknown Speaker 26:57
So for example, as someone who’s masking in Not what we call the man cave. Okay time okay. And so basically you have a meeting time where a man cave is a person to want to be by themselves to be disconnected from society from from, from their daily life wanting to be to be centered as themselves and this actually is very important because it actually hires the testosterone level in the particular person in the man. And so for example, someone that’s being very, very nice In my case, for example, I wasn’t aware of what the man cave was, because the way I was brought up I was brought up with a feminine father so not knowing what being masculine was. I actually didn’t have any models to look at. So once I actually learned what mastering she was, I actually embraced it and I actually loved it. So right now I’m really enjoying my kidding times. So this is how I did it by by snowed, including it. At first it felt a bit overwhelming, like But guilty Honestly, I felt like why it feels wrong to do that. I’m not used to that. And people, I want to be nice with everyone. I don’t want to wait to answer to this person I want to answer directly. But then slowly, slowly, I started to build this habit more and more. And this is actually when it actually really hot. Now I can’t live without my KB. So this is one example of how we can develop mapping habits, for example.

Brad Miller 28:26
Yeah, very good. Very good. Now, would you say, just to kind of extrapolate out the point, it’d be the same with women, they would have a masculine side and a feminine side as well, in many cases. Yes. Yeah. So the idea here is to if I’m understanding you correctly, George is to find the proper blend as it were. Between that the basically the healthy man and a relationship would have a appropriate blend of the feminine and masculine qualities and the woman and relationship, which is similarly have blended a healthy blend of his femininity, feminine and masculine qualities. And then their relationship would have some balance as well. Am I on track with what you’re teaching here?

Unknown Speaker 29:17
That’s very true. And it’s also important to note that relationships are dynamic. So they, whenever that stops, so does the relationship, we’re not going to always be in the gray area, we’re not always going to be balanced between masculine feminine, there are going to be ups and downs. But as long as we know where we are at and as long as we are willing to work on it, as long as we have already come to a place where we are balanced, then it’s easy to we can go to rekindle and go back and centralize ourselves together and we can help each other out. So this is very important to know because many people tend to believe Okay, now now that we are balanced, this is it. No, this is actually when the fun starts. This is when actually everything starts.

Brad Miller 29:58
Okay, great. So if I’m understanding correctly, you know, just just to keep using it the analogy of the dance there together, you know, you have some parties who lead the dance. And sometimes the dance can be a slow waltz. And sometimes you can be rocking it out in other times, you know, just something in between, you know, flowing romantic thing or whatever would be. So, let’s put this in practical terms for a minute here, George, in terms of if I was going to use your book as a way to help out a friend or a neighbor, or a person who I’m in counseling with, I do my fair share of marital counseling. What are some things that in your book or in your counseling, you would say, to a couple that’s kind of in you know, that’s looking You know, that’s had a broken heart or let’s just take a man who’s had this broken heart or as looking For new things, what would be your guidance to that person? What’s our next steps for them? What are you going to say to that person? And maybe you’ve had this experience where you’ve been able to be helpful for people. Maybe you could share that a little bit?

Unknown Speaker 31:14
Sure. The first thing I would say is, it’s important to mourn. This is the first thing that don’t see, it’s important to mourn, to take the time to understand what’s happened, to allow that emotion to sink in. And once we do that, it’s important then to go and look at our relationships. In general, we tend to attract to have a certain type of pattern in relationships. And we tend to attract similar types of four personas of partners up until we heal that part. So the fact that we were broken heartbroken. It’s because we have been attracting a certain type of person for a certain amount of time, and we haven’t addressed the issue. So if we if we look back at our relationship patterns, and we are able to pinpoint it, then we can actually work on that. And once we work on that This is how we can really heal this part of our self. And once we are able to heal this part of our self, this is when we can actually move on to our list of what we want and then start visualizing and then sort of tracking and on and on and on. Very good. morn and feel the emotions. And the second step is to actually look at the pattern of relationships that we have been attracting in order to solve that.

Brad Miller 32:24
Have an awareness and then do something about it. Do something about that. That’s a good thing. Well, that leads me to a couple of points. I wanted to kind of wind this down a little bit here, but you do mention in your writing about finding the missing link, you know, and that relate that makes relationships magical. And maybe without being too much for spoiler alert, maybe that’s the big, big payoff for your book. But can you say something about that maybe you already have here on our conversation, that missing link.

Unknown Speaker 32:57
There are two missing links obviously. The first is about What’s important is to be balanced and balanced from inside. It’s very, very crucial to be balanced both your masculine and feminine sides and really be healed from inside and come from a place of unconditional love. This is the first point I would say. The second point is actually that it’s emotional chemistry. Emotional chemistry is very important. And it’s also it’s important to, to to look at it in different way. It’s not men versus women or the partner versus the partner. It’s more of coming to a place where we are both in a relationship together and not from two independent people. Because in general today, what’s happening with all the divorce rates on the on the problems in relationships is that there’s a lot there’s a lot of ego. There’s a lot of conditional love a lot of what how can you help me and how can I help you and Not us. There’s no us. There’s just me, me, me, you, you, you. So it’s very crucial and very important to come from a place of of. Yes, there’s you. Yes, there’s me, but there’s also us. So how can we help each other rather than fight each other and really move forward? And this is a very important concept that very few people are able to have. have a grasp so

Brad Miller 34:24
far. Very good. Well, thank you for sharing that. Well, it’s obvious that you are passionate about responding to the high rate of divorce because that is a real in depth indication that that these relationships that we’re talking about here didn’t always start off whether they do it or not, with the right dynamic, you know, there was unhealthy dynamic that goes in there, maybe they weren’t. Maybe they just use your analogies that dance maybe they weren’t even dancing together. Maybe they’re often different corners dancing, they just whatever, but, but you switch it here and you’re riding also other Your 50 year vision and that intrigues me because, you know, a 50 year mark has uses as an example. If a couple is married 50 years, that’s considered a phenomenal thing to happen. And so, you know, I’ve been privileged my own parents were married for 16 years. And I have an anniversary coming up soon I’ll be married 28 years tomorrow. Not sure this one. Yeah, but thank you for that. Appreciate that. It’s a tribute to my wife, much more than myself. So I’m trying to learn this dance myself. But having sure that I’m really intrigued by what you mean by a 50 year vision because that’s a big vision to have regarding dealing with divorce rate and unhealthy relationships. What’s your 50 year vision my friend?

Unknown Speaker 35:50
Yes, so actually, like I was saying it’s a 50 year vision and actually want to take love and spread love all around the world from different facets and differences perspective. I’m going to start with personal relationships. But I also want to move on to actually relationships and love in companies and tend to take it a step further in governments and really, like, really make some from we need

Unknown Speaker 36:15
to take some time.

Brad Miller 36:16
So you think we can start with interpersonal relationships and go to world peace? Is that part of what you’re saying here? I mean, you could say, you could see you think you could actually start with the dynamic, you’re talking about interpersonal relationships, and that can be extended into the business world, and even to governments and basically to the world peace and things like that. Is that fair? Exactly. Awesome. That is an awesome vision there. But you got some awesome things going on here for you, George Ehrman and your book, which is the great dance of love. Tell us how people can get connected with you how they can find your book or find out more about you and the things that you have to offer.

Unknown Speaker 36:53
Sure, you can actually visit the website go to the website WWW dot gradients of

Unknown Speaker 37:05
dot com. You can also find my book on Amazon. It’s actually right now on sale. And by going onto onto the website, you can actually take the personality quiz, discover which of the relationship characters you are. And I can once you discover who you are, I could take you on a step by step guide from where you are to where you want to be, whether you are single, and you want to be in a relationship, whether you have been friends on and you want to be with your friends, or whether you have been in a relationship for years, you’ve lost the spark and you want to rekindle the spark, I can help you there as well.

Brad Miller 37:39
Awesome. So if you want to gain some new spark in your life in your relationships, or if you’ve have a broken heart and you want to gain some clarity about what you need to do to do next steps or perhaps you’re in a relationship that’s being challenged, this sounds like a good resource for you. You’ve got the on the on the website, gradients of love calm, you’ve got that going on with the with the A tool that you can use. And of course the book is available at Amazon. It will put links to all that at our website pathway promise. com. We are pleased to have had as our guest today on the pathway to promise podcast with George Aram on the author of the grey dance of luck. Thank you. Thanks again to George era mom, the author of The Great dance of love, you can find that book at great dance of love.com. I committed to you to go there and pick that up and find out more about what he is about as well and the various projects that he has going on. What to give a few takeaways for from that book, which I think might be helpful to you. Basically, there’s some formulas he said a lot of research, a lot of work on this area of relationships based on his own experience, but out of researching, reading and researching articles and books and papers, and dealing with several people in person including some personal friends that he had. He came up with a formula, what he considers his success formula, which is combining your passion with a need for the market, that it’s a need for what you offer. And a need for you your own personality helps develop your success. And then there are four common denominators that George feels that all successful people have. And those are patients of perseverance, plus meditation, plus visuals, visualization, plus gratitude. I think there are some good things to take away from from that. And really, the reality is, folks, a lot of us get stuck in relationships, we feel lonely, we feel burnt out, we feel beat up. Some of us have gone through abusive circumstances and we got to do something about that. So if you want to move through bad, a bad breakup and move into a new relationship, I George just encourage you to not give up and to Connect in new ways. Think about how we do this dance of love. The gradients of love as he calls it between our heart and our mind, and to, to move forward and faithful, to move forward in faith. That’s what we’re here to do here the pathway to promise is to be helpful to you in all kinds of areas, including in things like relationships. We believe that every person deals with adversity, and that includes things like depression and you know, and, and dealing with disease or even the death of a loved one, but it also includes things like divorce. It includes things like the breakup of a relationship, and how we get through those things matter. If we can help you here a pathway promised, we want to do that. Go to the pathway, promise calm, you could find a free gift for you there as well as back issues of the podcast back episodes of the podcast. Lots of great authors from lots of other great leaders who can speak

Dr. Brad Miller, friends Till next time, remember to keep your promise, power, any promise. Thanks so much for taking the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller as a subscriber, you’ll be a vital part of the pathway to promise community visit us on the web at pathway promise.com. Until next time, remember to stay on your pathway to promise

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Brad Miller 0:00
pathway to promise podcast with Dr. Brad Miller. Episode Number 94. The power of vision.

Dr. Michael Hudson 0:10
Hi, this is Dr. Michael Hudson, of Michael Hudson. com. I help people unlock the power of their message so they can deliver it to the people that they’re here to deliver it to. Thank you for listening to the pathway to promise podcast with Dr. Brad Miller helping you discover your life peace, prosperity, and purpose.

Brad Miller 0:29
You’re on the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller. Brad believes every person has a god given promised life of peace, prosperity and purpose, and that you must have a plan and a guide to get there. The pathway to promise podcast Not only is your guide through the wilderness of depression and disappointment that stand between you and your promise life, but also brings you insights and direction from inspiring successful thought leaders who have transformed their lives. Welcome to the pathway to promise now here’s Brad

hello good people and welcome to pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller. We are talking today about power, the power of vision. Vision can help carry you through and influence to help you to overcome the adversity, the adverse conditions that you experienced in your life, to achieve peace, prosperity and purpose. That’s what we’re about here at the pathway to promise to help you overcome adversity. And we do so on our website pathway, promise calm, where we’ve got lots of great teaching about overcoming adversity, and including lots of great interviews with lots of great guests, authors and teachers and leaders who have overcome some adverse condition in their life to achieve peace, prosperity and purpose. We got a free gift for you there and head on over there and it can be helpful to your life pick it up, if you will. Today, we’re talking about the power of a great vision Vision, if you want to have a have a leadership role in your life, if you want to have accomplished great things, if specially if you want to overcome adverse conditions in your life, you need to call upon the power of a vision that he has great. And there is great value then, in having a vision. I heard it said somewhere that every great work and every great person came under the influence of a vision that changed them and therefore changed others. You need to have a vision in your life of what your life can be. When you overcome that adversity. That is put in your mind’s eyes, think about it, dwell on it, focus on it, and find value in that. Let me just give you just a few concepts today that I think you will find impactful, so that you can learn understand that leaders and yourself who effectively communicate goals which, to their followers followers achieve those greater things than those who don’t? That’s casting vision. You need to cast vision for yourself, and therefore it can be contagious and go to others. So what is a powerful vision? What is a vision of value? Well, first of all, first thing is it starts with with from within you. It’s a gut level thing. If you want to know the temperature of yourself or of your organization or your church, or the thermometer, you can take it to yourself what you are about, you have a vision, and then you press on to being a leader. And then you pass it on to the people that you are responsible for. And that is what we’re about here. A second valuable vision is to build on the good things from your past. You’ve had success in the past. You’ve had times when you’ve had adverse conditions in your past, and you have dealt with them. That might have been when you were a kid, perhaps. But whenever it was, I bet there’s been some time in your life when you have had success, build on that. carry that with you. find value in that found power in your past successes and apply it to your present adverse conditions. And it does make a difference. When we have a valuable vision in our life, it speaks to our needs, or to the needs of others that we are responsible to. When we try to understand the needs and that speak to them, we are going to add value to the situation and the vision that we have will become practical and pragmatic. Another thing that we can do, to have a powerful vision is to challenge people including ourselves. We try to stay complacent, it just not going to work. It’s just not going to be any value in that. We have to understand that what we’re doing here is important, we have to understand that this is about being a winner. This is about encouraging ourselves and others to win, to succeed. And therefore there’s value in that there’s power in that to challenge ourselves and challenge others. Have you ever thought about a successful business or any successful sports team or music group that didn’t want to win really bad, and didn’t challenge one another in order to win, that’s having a greater vision. Another valuable vision is to be committed to solving problems. If you stay stuck, you’re not gonna be a problem solver. You’re going to let problems defeat you. That’s when adverse conditions come along in your life. They are circumstantial, they are of the moment, but if we allow them to block us then they become more than the moment they become a model. meant to our depressed state, or to our stuck state problems are unresolved or unsolved when we just let them sit there. It’s not that there’s such a big deal, that it’s that our vision is so small, we haven’t expanded our vision to see what all possibilities are. obstacles are always going to be there. But they are there only when we take our eyes off the big goal of achieving our big vision.

Another thing that a great vision of powerful vision does is it provides guidance to our life. It gives us a direction to go when we have this direction, that makes all the difference in the world. And that way you can start to facilitate things and do you know develop strategy and develop tactical approaches to whatever the situation is at hand and to deal with it when we have guidance that helps us and we can draw upon our own experience and the experience of others to help guide this vision. Another point that we haven’t we, when we have a valuable vision or a vision of power, is it’s going to attract winners, you’re going to be a winner. And other people want to be around you who are winners as well. Winners want to be around winners, and you are going to bring people together who want to be on your team. Which brings me to another point is that a big vision, a valuable vision will unite people around one common cause. It’s you can have different sets of understandings. But people will get behind a person with a big vision and go with them. It’s a vision is a vehicle than which change rides, you’re going to be a change maker have a great vision. And the final thing I want to share with you today is that vision is all about energy. If you have a great vision, if you have a powerful vision, a valuable vision is going to give you energy and I’ll give those who you lead energy as well. It is then it’s then you begin to see that the impossible seemingly can become possible that the invisible seemingly will suddenly become visible. And you will see that the invisible can do the impossible. So that’s what I want to invite you to do friends to get vision, a powerful vision in your life. And it will make a difference to you. Let me encourage you here on the pathway to promise podcast to check out our website, pathway promise com, where you can hear great visionary leaders, authors and leaders who share their stories about how they dealt with the problems in their life. They dealt with adverse conditions, and overcame them. And success is a good thing. So invite you to do just that. So until next time, friends, this is Dr. Brad Miller, encouraging you to keep your promises because there’s power Promise. Thanks so much for taking the pathway to promise with Dr. Brad Miller as a subscriber, you’ll be a vital part of the pathway to promise community visit us on the web at pathway promise.com. Until next time, remember to stay on your pathway to promise

Transcribed by https://otter.ai